Are you just a little scared or really scared of dating a sugar daddy? Or are you afraid to start a relationship? You're not alone! Ever since I was the dating coach for match sugar daddies site, I've been helping sugar babies match up with good sugar daddies. When these smart, independent, adorable sugar babies come to me for support, almost 100 percent admit they're afraid to date a sugar daddy. These young women, because they had never been married or in a relationship, were initially very afraid of dating, afraid of failure.
Interestingly, women who have been in love and even married are not afraid of dating because they know that dating will eventually pay off: their life partner. But they are also afraid of rejection, of being hurt, of never seeing the man they love again. At this stage of their lives, they are also depressed, only slightly better than their younger sugar babies.
Lori's gone, goddamn fear.
One of my clients, Lori, lost her husband in her 30s, leaving her to raise her son, who was several years old. Although she is now scared of dating again, she can't imagine life without her husband. Every day with him, she felt safe, loved and adored. They are physically and emotionally close and best friends. He stood by her. They are a real team, facing life together. Lori knows what the rewards of a good relationship are because she's been through marriage. It took some time, but she had no doubt that she would pursue love again.
She listened carefully to my advice on how to let go of fear and go on a date. She hasn't dated since she was very young. She learned to open up to the sugar daddy, to express who she was and what she needed to be happy. Lori also learned how to talk to men about her loss and make choices based on her current (different) woman. I taught her how different mature sugar daddies are from the boys she dated before she got married. Then Lori met "Steve" through our sugar daddy dating site. They've been together since the first date. Their lives were simple. Steve needed company, and she needed money to raise her children. Of course, she was still a little scared. Lori still has moments when the pain of loss overwhelms her. But the feelings and the rewards of Lori of their relationship are similar in all these meaningful ways. Lori had felt this sense of security, passion and partnership before, and it was something she did not want to lose. That's what gave her the courage to face it.
I used to be afraid of dating, so I quit a lot.
I was single for more than 20 years before I became a dating coach, and I never felt loved by a man. I am very happy with my single life, like the sugar baby I'm coaching now, and the dating process really scares me. I didn't admit it at the time. When dating gets tough and my fear of dating becomes stronger than my fear of dying alone, I shrink back and stop dating. During that time, I kept repeating my "I don't need a stinking man" mantra. I told myself I would be better off without confusion, rejection and potential heartbreak. I can't take it anymore. It's so fucking painful.
The act of dating didn't seem worth it to me. Why go through all this pain? For what? My life is so beautiful. Months went by, sometimes years, and I didn't even get touched by a man. It seems so unusual to walk past a man by chance. I can feel it all over my body. I thought my choice of being single was a powerful one. I wear my strength and independence as a badge of honor.
At 30, it finally dawned on me that the balance of risk and reward was beginning to rebalance. I was in my 30s, still super single, and I don't know why. So I decided to get a professional to help me figure out what was wrong with me. Under her guidance, not only did I know what was wrong, but I also knew what was right. I finally admitted to myself -- more than I could ever imagine -- that I wanted to love and be loved. Over the past two decades, the risks of dating seem to outweigh the rewards. With all the insecurities, self-doubts and false beliefs, it's easy to fall back on "my life is good enough" and give up the idea of love in life. I don't know what it's like to be loved by a sugar daddy. Until I met my husband, I had never experienced the kind of love that made me feel safe, cared for and special. I never had anyone I could trust. I don't know what it's like to be no. 1 to anyone. I've never gotten anything like that from a man.
With the help of professionals, I allow myself to imagine being loved. I consciously look for women in happy relationships.(they are all around me; I just chose not to see them. I began to believe it was true and possible. I think I deserve it. I have to imagine how it will feel in the end. But we came to the same conclusion: the rewards of being in love with a sugar daddy far outweigh the risks of going out and looking for love unapologetically.
Once I knew how happy love was, I loved like a dog with a bone. Therefore, I am now living a happy life. If you're like me, it's hard to imagine adult love in return. Here are some examples:
He loves you, even if you are very selfish and obnoxious.
He gave you chicken soup when you were sick, paid your bills every month, gave you a sugar allowance.
He understands you and supports you in every way possible, even if he thinks what you're doing is a little crazy.
So, in retrospect, was that reward worth the risk of asking for help, doing something different, and putting yourself out there? Is it worth the time to organize your profile, answer emails, date, have heartbreaks, and deal with the hassles? Are you like me? Have you ever been overwhelmed by the fear, confusion and frustration of being single and dating? Well, I've come to tell you that it's time to face the risks and rewards. Is something you can have really not worth wasting a few minutes on the road? Dating a sugar daddy can make your life sweeter, so why not?